Posts Tagged ‘Jack Edwards’

Stamping Tampa

December 2, 2010

boston bruins

I’m pretty sure I heard Jack Edwards have a couple of actual on-air orgasms during the Bruins wildly entertaining 8-1 win over the Tampa Bay Lightning at home tonight. In fact, after Mark Recchi scored the team’s seventh goal, he leapt from the broadcast booth into the stands and was body surfing the TD Garden crowd in a crucifiction pose. It was that much fun.

Some noteworthy events besides the offensive explosion and Edwards’ manic revelry.

  • The return of Marc Savard. He didn’t look too bad, actually, and I find myself drooling over what he and Tyler Seguin could possibly do skating together. That’s a shit-load of quickness and talent working together. Add in the reborn Michael Ryder and suddenly the B’s have another wickedly dangerous scoring line. Certainly tonight was a massive tease in that respect. We’ll see how it develops.
  • Dennis Seidenberg’s sleight of hand goal to make it 2-0 just before the end of the 1st was a little slice of genius, faking Mike Smith out of the net on a supposed dump-in that he fired right on goal before Smith could adjust. Love goals like that. Makes the goaltender look like a right fool, that’s for sure.
  • A consistent, relentless attack and regular displays of real emotion from the entire team. They looked on the same page, finally, from the opening face-off where Shawn Thornton was jousting and yapping with David Tyrell. Chara had a big hit and played well. Lucic was an ongoing concern. Boychuck busted out that cannon of a shot from the point. Seemed like the entire team came to play physically. A beautiful thing to watch and it leaves one dreaming of more of the same. The B’s play like that they will sure as hell win a lot more than they lose. Hopefully, they understand that now.
  • David Krejci was dominant. Masterful with the puck. When he’s on his game he makes it look absolutely effortless. Total control, easy little plays that either spring other’s for genuine scoring chances or create his own. I think his recovery from his own concussion may be complete now as he becomes less tenative and feels more comfortable out there. He looked good tonight.
  • All in all one of the more entertaining games I can remember seeing in ages.

    Now somebody go call Jack Edwards from out of the rafters where he’s been swinging around the banners screaming like an out of control chimpanzee. It’s time to turn the lights out so the Bull Gang can go home.


    More Jack Edwards Haiku

    December 2, 2010

    From the broadcast of tonight’s 3-0 shutout win over the Flyers in Philly.

      good night irene
      it’s three-zero and there’s not going to be
      a comeback tonight

    Tim Thomas now leads the league in all goaltending categories once again and earns his 5th shutout of the season. Milan Lucic leads the Bruins in goals with 11.

    Good win, exorcising some of last season’s demons but, more importantly, coming out with a decent start and playing hard from the first drop of the puck to the last buzzer.

    Not too much to ask after all, was it?

    Bruins Looking At Yandle

    October 26, 2010
    keith yandle boston bruins

    Keith Yandle: Future Boston Bruin?

    Joe Haggerty is reporting that the B’s are once again hot and heavy in the trade market and that they are scouting the Phoenix Coyotes with Milton native Keith Yandle, an offensive minded defenseman, at the top of their want list.

    Of course, so would he be for a lot of NHL teams and there’s no indication that the ‘Yotes would be willing to move the 24 year old blueliner so easily. Other names from the Phoenix side that have supposedly come up are Mikkel Boedker and Viktor Tikhonov, both forwards currently playing for the San Antonio Rampage of the AHL.

    The names being speculated on from the Bruins’ side are, as you might expect, Michael Ryder and Blake Wheeler with Matt Hunwick and Mark Stuart being thrown in for good measure.

    How much of this is real? Well, we know the B’s are up against it with the Cap and with Marc Savard and Marco Sturm both skating today and nearing a possible return, the relief they have enjoyed due to injury is shortly due to come to an abrupt end. Wheeler, still young and fairly talented, making $2.2 million, and Ryder, having a hot start and making $4 million, are the obvious choices to move out and make space. The Coyotes apparently have $9 million under the cap right now and could fit some fatter contracts. Both are on 1-year deals.

    It could all easily be pie-in-the-sky fantasy for Bruins fans, though. Wheeler and Ryder, neither of whom anyone would really miss, for a budding local star on defense? How realistic is that considering that Phoenix, and every other team in the NHL, knows damn well how desperate the Bruins are going to be to make room. Seems too good to be true, regardless of the “source” behind the the story.

    Meanwhile, this 4-day gap between games is killing me. The Rangers game was a tantalizing affair, highly entertaining despite the loss, and I’m eager to see them square off against the Leafs on Thursday. Eager, also, to do more writing here now that my real life schedule, which has been utterly insane of late, will be a bit more relaxed and, hopefully, allow me to start bringing things here up to speed.

    After all, I still owe you an article about the three weeks I spent in Japan with Jack Edwards during his whirlwind Haiku-palooza Tour. Suffice to say there were more than a few disturbingly violent and confusing incidents that convinced me that what they say about the man is true. That you don’t drink with Jack Edwards unless you’re cool with random bar brawls and executive class prostitutes.

    More on that when the legal aspects have been ironed out.

    Seeing Seguin

    September 15, 2010

    Tyler Seguin’s on-ice debut in a Bruins uniform, at least in terms of an actual game against another team’s players, happens tonight at the TD Garden as the B’s host a rookie game against the New York Islanders. I plan on being there and how could one not be when tickets are a measly $5 each. Granted, it’s general admission which could lead to a scramble for the good seats, but it’s still one hell of a deal.

    Word is Jack Edwards, just back from his one man Haikulooza Tour of Japan will be in house on the P.A. system, which will be good for some awkward laughs.

    Aside from the much heralded Seguin, I’ll keep a watchful eye on Jordan Caron, Joe Colborne, Jared Knight, Jamie Arniel and others. Not sure exactly who will suit up but I’m eager to see all the young prospects, of course.

    Full report replete with photos and video to follow.

    Those not in attendance wanting a taste of the action can catch the game streaming live on the B’s official site.

    Time Out

    June 1, 2010

    Okay, slow down for a minute. We’ve got to make this thing last a bit. Make it interesting. There’s nothing more boring than a Finals sweep, is there? I’m gone for a few days and return to an instant 2-0 series lead for the Hawks and the feeling that this thing is steamrolling toward a quick, decisive resolution. Personally, I’d like to get to see a few more games.

    I was away in the Northern Wilds for the holiday weekend for a bit of pastoral relaxation and recreation. I think it was Steven Wright who once said, “There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.” In which case, I spent an awful lot of time being an idiot over the past four days. I know what you’re thinking. “And just how does that differ from your everyday life, Ken?”

    Well, up there, I’m an idiot surrounded by pine trees, fresh water and clean air.

    Until all the smoke from the Canadian wild fires drifted south, that is. You’d think the authorities in Montreal would have extinguished all those burning cars by now, wouldn’t you? Jesus, guys. What’s going to happen if you ever do win the Cup again? The smoke clouds are going to make that volcano in Iceland look like a discarded cigar butt.

    So, yeah, I’m back in town. Boston is shrouded in a gray, post-apocalyptic haze. The Celtics are in the finals against the Lakers in a case of neverending sports deja vu. The Red Sox are playing a bit better but struggling to gain any sort of ground in what is a brutal AL East Division. The Bruins are sleeping with the fishes I never caught, except for Jack Edwards who is on a one man Haiku tour of Japan.

    So, yes, please, I’d like a few more games of decent hockey to watch if you don’t mind. Philadelphia has got to bring this thing back home and make it interesting. There’s no doubt they know how to deal with the underdog role. The only question is whether or not team unity and grit can stand against what is looking like a Blackhawks Express Freight Train speeding straight towards Stanleyville.

    I don’t know about you but I’m not quite ready for the Dog Days just yet.

    Orr Statue Unveiled; Bruins Seek Win

    May 10, 2010

    bobby orr stanley cup goal

    On the 40th Anniversary of the day Robert Gordon Orr scored the overtime game winning goal to bring the Stanley Cup to Boston in 1970, the Bruins will commemorate the event with a bronze statue depicting the feat outside TD Garden. The above picture of him flying through the air, celebrating after the goal was scored has already all but immortalized him. The statue will only make it more concrete.

    Fans can only hope that it will be another element adding to the Bruins playoff Mojo that will allow the team to wrap up their Eastern Semi-Final series against Philadelphia and move on to the next round. The B’s do not want the series to go back to Philly for a Game 6 so you would expect their best effort at home tonight to try and seal the deal.

    The Flyers, buoyed by Simon Gagne’s overtime goal in Game 4 will probably be in full nothing-to-lose mode which is always dangerous. However, the Bruins remain undefeated at home in the 2010 playoffs and the same sort of atmosphere that’s helped boost them to this point should be in the air at the Garden tonight. Seeing that new statue out front won’t hurt, either.

    More good news, the game is on NESN tonight which means blustery play-by-play slam poet Jack Edwards has been up all night composing potential series ending speeches. This one is likely to blend passages from Dante’s Inferno with William Wallace’s inspirational speech before the Battle of Bannockburn. Don’t rule out references to Rocky Balboa, Puff the Magic Dragon or a verse or two from the Iliad as it might be reimagined by Jello Biafra. All we know for sure is that Jack Will Be On.

    Let’s hope the Bruins are, too.

    Short and Sweet

    April 10, 2010

    boston bruins short handed

    File this one under “Fucking Astonishing”.

    The Boston Bruins scored three short handed goals on the same penalty kill in the space of 1:04 minutes at the start of the second period to take a 3-0 lead over the Carolina Hurricanes at the TD Garden this afternoon.

    Daniel Paille, Blake Wheeler and Steve Begin all scored for team while killing off Matt Hunwick’s hooking penalty.

    boston bruins short handed goals

    As far as I can tell, no team has ever done this before.

    Not even the 80’s Edmonton Oilers. Many teams have scored two, of course, including Gretzky and Co. but it does seem that this is indeed a new NHL record for Most Shorthanded Goals Scored on One Penalty.

    Unfortunately, the ‘Canes later scored twice to bring the score back to 3-2 and make it a game again but if the B’s can hold on and take the two points they will guarantee themselves a spot no lower than 7th in the East, significant because it would allow them to avoid the powerhouse Caps in the first round of the playoffs.

    Amazing game.

    Patrice Bergeron saves an own goal on a delayed penalty call as he scoops the puck literally right off of the goal line as it was headed into the empty net vacated by Tuukka Rask.

    Milan Lucic scores an empty netter at the end for a 4-2 victory and the Bruins clinch their spot in the 2010 Playoffs, no lower than 7th in the East. Great game with a little of everything and a rousing celebration for the fans at the end as the team clinches. All on Fan Appreciation Day when the team will give the shirts off their backs to select fans after the game.

    A fitting thank-you to those who have remained loyal throughout what has been a very difficult season, to say the least.

    Props to Jack Edwards who called the conclusion with his usual awkwardly dramatic flair but summed things up quite neatly in the end

    This season the Boston Bruins have been through NHL Hell but they’ve earned themselves a snowball’s chance to play for the Stanley Cup.

    Not bad, Jack. Not bad.

    Savage Disappointment

    March 19, 2010

    The team got booed off the ice and they deserved to be. It was that bad. The let down that Bruins fans felt last night was almost a physical thing. You could feel your whole body start to slump downward as the game wore on and you realized that, for all intents and purposes, the Bruins weren’t even going to show up for that one.

    Only a contest that could be considered the Biggest Game of the Year.

    Only the game the entire Hockey World was watching.

    Only a chance to not to not only redeem a fallen teammate and recover some manly pride but to perhaps reenergize your season by showing some much needed team unity and scrap and battle, things that have been missing from the team all season.

    Mike Milbury said it best, and this is a bit of a paraphrase.

    “There have been a lot of questions about this team’s character lately and I think tonight they have been answered. In the negative.”

    It’s a crushing blow to the hearts of Bruins Nation, folks who bleed the Black and Gold and, in a hockey rich culture like New England, really pour their souls into this team. You have to understand, love for hockey and for the Bruins runs deep in this town. People invest a lot of emotion in it, they really do.

    Always to be disappointed.

    The 1970 Boston Bruins were on the ice last night as a reminder of what a winning team could be like, what it might feel like to be a champion. I’m a little too young to have enjoyed those Stanley Cups in ’70 and ’72. In my Bruins watching lifetime I have always known disappointment. Some glorious runs, mind you, and some great players but in the end, always the let down.

    Last night was no different.

    Sure, there were the Obligatory Fights. Shawn Thornton goes right after Matt Cooke and, shockingly, Cooke accepts and they go for a quick little scrap, Thornton gets in a good right or two. The crowd goes wild and we’re thinking, okay here we go. The energy is here, the Bruins are jacked up and now they take this game to the Pens like their hair is on fire.

    Yeah, right.

    Quickly as it had started the whole affair became lifeless. The hitting, other than a few individuals like Milan Lucic and Vladimir Sobotka, was extremely weak. The lack of shots on goal was astonishing. The lack of making the Pens pay a price was inexcusable. We needed to see the hardest hitting game of the year for the Bruins and it just wasn’t there. How could that be? I’m not sure Sydney Crosby took a real hit all night. Not that I’m like Jack Edwards and want to see “nine teeth out his face” but maybe a bump or two against the boards?

    Where were the scrums in front of the net, always a sign that a team is into it emotionally. There were none. Were was the anger and the face washing. After Cooke served his five minutes he skated the rest of the night virtually untouched. How could that be? It reeks of a team without any character whatsoever. A team with no spirit, no balls. Last night was the night to stand up and be counted and they laid down like dogs.



    I watched their faces as they left the ice after that humiliating defeat on so many levels and I only saw a few faces that even seemed phased by it. Chara, Thornton, Tim Thomas. So many others seemed as flat and lifeless as their performance on the ice. Dennis Wideman. Michael Ryder. Blake Wheeler. Steve Begin. Begin was supposed to bring some scrap to this team, some real grinder credentials and some toughness. He got rammed into the net by a Pitt defender last night and never made a peep. Weak. So weak.

    And Michael Ryder. Michael Fucking Ryder. The one Bruin we know saw Cooke’s original hit on Savard, his teammate and linemate, in real time and who did nothing in retaliation, was lined up against Cooke on faceoffs on numerous occaisions last night and, as far as I could see, never said a word to the bastard. Might as well have been and empty number 73 sweater on the ice last night for all you got from Michael Fucking Ryder.

    There’s more blame to go around for this game and this season, folks. Claude Julien. Peter Chiarelli. I’ll get into it more as time goes on but today I’m just pissed off and it feels like my spirit has been crushed.

    There have been many days in the past when I found myself doubting my commitment to this team, feeling like a sucker for investing so much emotion and time into a team that, inevitably, lets me down again and again and again.

    This is one of those days.

    Jack Edwards Haiku

    February 12, 2010

    A new ongoing feature where we take some recent commentary from the Boston Bruins’ ever excitable play-by-play man Jack Edwards and turn it into poetry.

    This, now, from last night’s dramatic 5-4 victory over the Lightning in Tampa, in a rough approximation of Japanese haiku.

      now Chara’s gonna go
      he’s just about sick and tired
      of this little punk

      oh, man, the big guy’s just unloading
      ha ha, Downie says where am I
      mommy help

    I know.

    You can barley read the rest of this because your eyes have filled with water. Jack can have that effect on you.

    The sequence it was taken from can be found here.

    Bloodless Killer

    January 15, 2010

    Jack Edwards, old son. Maybe you’d like a mulligan on this one?

    Listen at the 4:09 mark of the following video highlight from last night’s Boston Bruins shoot-out victory over the San Jose Sharks to hear the ever ebuliant, somewhat ranting B’s TV play-by-play guy refer to Dany Heatley as “One of the most bloodless killers in the NHL.”

    Uhm. Oops?

    We all know what happened on September 29th, 2003, when Heatley lost control of his Ferrari and, in the ensuing crash, his friend and teammate Dan Snyder was ejected from the car, sustaining injuries that he would die from a few days later. Heatley ended up pleading guilty to Second Degree Vehicular Homicide.

    So, ah, maybe a poor choice of words there, Jack? I honestly believe that Edwards was trying to say something about Heatley’s ability as a proficient sniper goal scorer but I’m quite sure, listening back on the way it came out, he might just be wishing he phrased it differently.

    Unless he intended it exactly as said.

    In which case I applaud the man’s balls and his utterly thrilling lack of good judgement.

    You go, Jack.