Game One, You Fuckers

by
zdeno chare montreal canadiens max pacioretty

The Size Difference Between the Bruins and Habs is a Key Factor in the Series

I fucking hate the Montreal Canadiens.

I hate the team, I hate the individual players, I hate the coaches and the management and the ownership. Most of all I hate their snobbish, preening, know-nothing fans with their bent towards screeching hysteria and show tunes. If you need any evidence of this fact, please see the following.

Statement Game

The Ultimate Dive

Arrest Max Pacioretty

Goodbye You Lizard Scum

Sand Trap

Montreal Is Not A Hockey Town

Homerism Gone Wild In Montreal

One Punch Knockout

French Taunting

Frontier Justice

I Have Hate In My Heart

As you can see, I’ve jotted down my feelings about the Bleu, Blanc et Rougettes a couple of times. The Diving Princesses are not well liked around these parts. It has everything to do with the way they play the game and the nose-in-the-air nature of their boorish fans. The idiocy of people who call 911 for a hockey check or set cars on fire for a playoff series win. Who boo other countries national anthems. All of the above.

As such, I hope the Bruins crush them tonight. Run them out of the building. Use superior size and physicality and aggression to hammer them into whimpering submission and send them tail between legs into the Boston night, fearing for their lives. Afraid to return to TD Garden on Saturday for yet another vicious beating.

This is the mandate of the Boston Bruins tonight.

Beat them. Badly. Make it happen.

See you on Twitter for the game. @hockeygonewild.

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2 Responses to “Game One, You Fuckers”

  1. Ozzy McGurt Says:

    Fuck, that was ugly Ken. An acquaintance referred to the Bruins last night as ‘cross-eyed heroin addicts’. I mean really, WTF? I’ve never seen so many mis-handled pucks, bad passes, or glaring non-shots. The puck won’t go in the net if you don’t shoot. Fuck me Ken, I can’t watch this happen again. I’m having terrible visions of breaking the restraining order that keeps away from your fine little city. Gotta go now. I’m off into the desert to blast huge holes in anything I can find that will hold still long enough for me to paint a CH logo on it.

  2. Ken Socrates Says:

    Hitting the nail on the head with that analysis, Ozzy. Now if you can sneak past the Mass State Police road block they’ll have in place if they know you’re coming you can come hit Claude Julien and the Bruins on the head with the same hammer and knock some sense into them. If you’d heard their post game comments about what a great game they played and heard the lack of urgency in their tones you’d throw up those twelve ham hocks you probably had for lunch.

    It’s head out of asses time here in Boston and if it doesn’t happen on Saturday night it’s another abysmal disappointment for a desperate black and gold fan base.

    After which I’ll be joining you in the desert with a trunk load of bodies needing freshly dug holes.

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