Really? Bobby Holik?

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Of all the ex-NHL’ers you want to put on your nightly television show, you choose Bobby Holik? What, Tim Hunter wasn’t available?

I love NHL On The Fly, I really do. Most of the hosts and analysts are fairly decent. Mike Johnson is pretty damned good, you have to admit. Many nights I fall asleep to it, not because it’s dull in any way but just because the body has to give in at some point when you’re a working man.

Tonight, I’m going to have nightmares.

It’s not just that he’s one of the ugliest human beings ever created through biological processes. Or that he comes across like some bizarre genetic cross between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Lurch from the Addams Family. I’m just not sure Bobby Holik has the necessary brain functions that one might need for cogent analysis of a game of horseshoes, let alone NHL hockey.

The way he stumbled through game highlights, the awkward attempts at humour. And if that wasn’t jarring enough, the moment they showed him on screen I felt myself physically wince away from the television. The greasy hair, the frightening, crooked eyes and that horrific corpse-like smile. It all seems so wrong.

I feel like I’m getting game updates from Raymond Massey in Arsenic and Old Lace.

raymond massey

Imagine going into the corners with that guy. Still probably wouldn’t be as dirty as Holik. Why don’t you just end my misery, NHL Network, and put Ulfie Samuelsson on. Go ahead and break me, why don’t you.

Sheesh.

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2 Responses to “Really? Bobby Holik?”

  1. gonz Says:

    He looks just like Boris Karloff!

  2. Ken Socrates Says:

    You’re going to end up buried in the basement.

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