Tase A Flyers Fan

by

Please?

I’m offering up a bounty of Unlimited Free Steaks and Beer in the city of Boston for any security personnel at the Wachovia Center tonight who tases a Flyers fan or two. In fact, if you’re not armed with tasers, I’m willing to purchase and overnight ship the below model to any officers interested in participating in my offer so you can have it by Friday. The offer is good for both games there.

Just let me know if you want it with or without the laser. You probably don’t need it in tight quarters like that and given the fact that your targets are likely to be heavily incapacitated by substance abuse and general mental disfunction. Which, unfortunately, also means a high tolerance to pain thanks to dulled sensory input and sluggish synaptic response times.

Which reminds me.

Tase Daniel Carcillo for me, too. Do that and I’ll pay all your travel expenses for your first visit to the Hub for those steaks and beer. I’m not sure he’d feel it but you know he needs it.

Here’s hoping tonight’s game is going to be just electric.

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