Dear Toronto,


I just wanted to send you guys a little note to say thanks. You folks, the Maple Leafs and their fans, have been very kind and generous to us, the Boston Bruins and their fans, of late and, well, I just want you to know how grateful we are.

For starters, you took mealy mouthed, whiny little Phil Kessel off our hands and paid him his 5 million dollars. I know that probably seems like a lot of money right now given how ineffective and irrelevant his 55 points were this season but you have to look at it from our point of view here in Boston. It’s not easy to get rid of a guy with those sort of demands when you pretty much know he’s going to score you 30 of the most meaningless goals you’ll ever see. Unfortunately, when the games really mean something, he’ll be nowhere to be found. See his performances against his old team this season and, moreso, see how little impact he had on Team USA in the Olympics. Guy has a little bit of talent but, let’s be honest, he’s not packing that much not where it really counts. So thank you for giving him a home up there.

Now, you know the second part of this. Thank you for the compensation you provided the Bruins for Phil Kessel. It really was ridiculously generous. A first round pick in 2010 and another in 2011 plus a second rounder in 2010, too. The word “magnanimous” does not begin to describe how incredible a gift it was you gave to us all here. Now that we know the first of those picks will allow the B’s to draft one of the two potential superstars of the 2010 draft, Taylor Hall or Tyler Seguin, we can see the real scope of your generosity and it’s overwhelming. I’m giddy just thinking about it.

And to think, we’ll get next year’s, too. Don’t feel like you need to play quite so poorly next season, by the way. You’ll make us feel guilty, for Pete’s sake. No, just finish in the lower 10 in the league, which should be quite easy for you to do, and we’ll be satisfied. You can still get some great draft picks in that area.

While I’m at it, I’d also like to thank you for Tuukka Rask, too , by the way. Giving him to the B’s in return for Andrew Raycroft was the sort of present not even Santa Claus himself could have matched. I’m getting a bit weepy as I write this, actually, but, gosh, when a team lets you have a goaltender that, in his rookie season, puts up the best GAA and Saves Percentage in the NHL, well, you see how one could get a bit emotional. To think, he’ll be starting in net for this team for the next decade or so and provide the foundation for years worth of potential contending teams right alongside the other superstar talent you’ve allowed us to acquire. It’s almost too much.

Suffice to say there is a swelling inside my chest today and it’s pointed northwards.

So, thank you once again, Toronto, from deep within the Heart of Bruins Nation for all you’ve done, saving us from a miserable 2009-10 season and given us all hope again. You’ve jump-started our franchise and made the future so bright it’s practically blinding.

Don’t worry, though. I’m sure we can find a way to repay you. Maybe by helping you sell out the Air Canada Centre whenever the Bruins are in town as many of the locals will want to come out to watch whichever mega-stud Ontario boy we draft.

See you, then.




Tags: , , , , , , ,

One Response to “Dear Toronto,”

  1. amy Says:

    i loveeee this hahaha. so funny

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: