Storm Comin’

by

dark knight returns

“It’s a mean one and it’s headed straight for Gotham. Like the Wrath of God it’s headed for Gotham…”

There’s a storm coming to Boston tonight. It’s a big one. A Nor’Easter, as we call them in these parts. And it’s gonna rain down hard on the heads of the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Seriously, folks, this whole week around here has been like the first chapter of Dark Knight Returns.

You remember. There was a heat wave, crime was out of control, there were no heroes to stop it. Law enforcement was useless and ineffective stopping the criminals. Many in the local government were corrupt. The pressure in Gotham just kept building and building. The tension and chaos reaching unbearable levels as helpless victims prayed for a savior amidst the oppressive heat and rampaging injustice.

Then, one night, when all seemed hopeless, the skies opened up. The storm hit with an astonishing fury, the rain pouring down, the thunder and lightning tearing the very heavens apart with their rage. All of a sudden, evil-doers started going missing into the darkness. The crashing of glass, a fast moving figure dressed mostly in black with fists like hammers.

The Batman had come back and there was hell to pay.

Well, folks, Frank Miller isn’t the only one who can dream up such compelling stories of vigilante justice. The whole city of Boston, or at least it’s hardcore hockey fans, have been dreaming of putting a certain Joker in his place since a couple Sundays ago and they’re hoping like hell the man in the dark cape administering the beat down tonight has a Spoked B on his chest instead of a Bat.

Will it be quite that dramatic? I don’t know for sure. There are rumblings that Colin Campbell will address both teams prior to the game which I think would be absurd. In fact, if I was Claude Julien, I’d lock the fucking door so the useless moron couldn’t get in. If I was a player on the team it would make me even more ornery.

Chances are something will go down. The pressure on the team has become enormous. From the fans, the media, from their own management. Marc Savard rests alone in a lightless room somewhere with an uncertain future and the disturbing notion that he has been let down by his teammates. An answer to the questions we all have been asking must be forthcoming tonight. It must.

So.

We know who the Joker is.

matt cooke pittsburgh penguins

We know who the useless law enforcement is.

colin campbell gary bettman

The question is.

Who wants to be Batman?

milan lucic shawn thornton

Let’s drop the damn puck and find out.

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11 Responses to “Storm Comin’”

  1. Ozzy McGurt Says:

    You know I’ll be watching. I hope the B’s show up full of piss and vinegar. A big ‘Fuck You!’ in the face of Bettman and Campbell is exactly what is called for right now. What if CJ let’s Campbell into the locker room with a smile, and then CC is never seen again? It worked on Hoffa. I’m just sayin’. Purely hypothetical you know.

  2. Gonz Says:

    So today is it, eh? P-Day. Penguins at the Teedy Gardens. Jack Edwards must be so visibly erect that you could bounce meteorites off of him. Milbury has been drooling for days. Brick is ready to calmly discuss the evisceration of Matt Cooke’s corpse. I get a sense that if Bruins fans were allowed, they’d execute Cooke, drag his body through the streets, and then hang his battered corpses by his toes between the columns of Quincy Market.

    That’s the impression I’m getting, just from you.

    Personally, I’d like to see the Bruins not even acknowledge it. They’ve got a game to focus on, not a circus. They’re in a playoff survival stretch run and they’ve got to face the team that won it all last year. Sure, there should be time to shishkabob Cooke but not at the expense of letting the Penguins beating them on the scoreboard. Win the battle AND the war. That’s my thinking.

    Here’s how I’d like to see it play out: for the first two periods, the Bruins should come out and just play text book Hockey. No mugging, no hitting, just setting up plays and setting up shop in the offensive zone, scoring as many goals on Fleury as they can. If they can get to two goals, then I’d wanna see them settle into a defensive mode to frustrate the Penguins. Maybe chuck in another goal.

    Third period, let loose the dogs of war. Nuff said.

    However, that’s me looking at it from a more methodical angle. As I see it, the Penguins are planning on the Bruins coming out hopping mad. And the Bruins, like any team, won’t be able to sustain that sort of momentum for more than 10 minutes. The Penguins can just wait it out and once that initial energy is gone, they’ll take over the game.

    In the words of Admiral Ackbar, it’s a trap!

  3. KofC Says:

    Saw the “Wanted” poster in the Herald…yikes. Well, I’m looking forward to/fearing this. I want a win more than anything, though, see the Pens fall apart like last night when Fleury got pulled.

    I’d be more into it if I wasn’t up till 4 am stewing over the horrible Blackhawks-Ducks game. The Blackhawks have had 2 of their top 3 defensemen lost in consecutive games due to lousy hits (and last night’s was much, much worse than Ovechkin’s, so of course in NHL logic it didn’t even get the Hawks a power play or get Wisniewski kicked out of the game). No chance for additional payback on the Ducks for a long time, however…I wonder if the NHL will take any action on Wiz’s hit before the game tonight.

  4. nightfly Says:

    KofC – saw those game clips. Can’t honestly call them highlights. Even on the goal, Corey Perry should have gotten two minutes for that shove to the back. And Seabrook’s hit was perfectly legit; Wisniewski led with his forearm at Seabrook’s jaw and should get five games. Maybe if Colie makes it back to Toronto in one piece, he’ll consider it. Boston should just lay him out with “legal hits” and dare him to do anything about it.

    Ken – you’ll see. My man Looch, he don’t shiv. Balls nasty.

  5. Ken Socrates Says:

    Good points all, my friends. I’ll have much more to say in response and more on the game but the NESN pre-game has begun and this one has the feel of Superbowl Sunday times ten in my house. Full plate of nachos and some cold beverages in front of me and a crazy sort of redness brimming at the edge of my vision.

    I’ve gone the comics route so lets geek out even further…

    “Arise! Arise, Bruins of Boston! Spears shall be shaken, shields shall be splintered! A sword day… a red day… ere the sun rises!

    Ride now!… Ride now!… Ride! Ride to ruin and the world’s ending!”

    I’m not hyped for this one at all, as you can see….

  6. Ozzy McGurt Says:

    For once in my life I think I honestly wish I could be with you Ken. We’re getting the game on NHL Network here. Was hoping to get NESN, but oh well. Maybe NHLN will beam the NESN broadcast.

    Barbarian Hockey!!!

  7. Ozzy McGurt Says:

    Dammit. FSN, which looks like is coming from The Pitt. I’m sure I heard one of the announcers in the opening refer to Chara as ‘Char-ay’. Dick.

  8. Gonz Says:

    Yup, NHL Network is showing the FSN Pitts feed and demonstrates again why FSN stands for Full’a Shitty ‘Nouncing. Production values are amateurish, the play-by-play dull, the music is outdated, and it makes cable access programming look like it was shot in IMAX. Plus, the NESN feed is blacked out on DirecTV so that means I get none of Jack Edwards’ salivating or Brick’s repeated requests that he put the jawbone down. Sadly, it doesn’t look like the game is going the Bruins’ way. Feck!

    Any truth to the rumor that the New England Aquarium euthanized every single penguin they had?

    • KofC Says:

      Arrghh, I was hoping for NESN too but there didn’t seem to be a feed online, so I had to listen to some annoying stuff from the Pens announcers. They did slip up and call Crosby “Crosberry,” which became an internet joke for a while.

      The game itself…ugh, don’t want to talk much about that.

  9. Ozzy McGurt Says:

    Totally uninspired. The B’s looked like they were swimming in molasses. I used to be haunted by dreams that I was in a fight but every time I took a swing my arms were dead weight and moving in slow motion. That’s exactly what Chara looked like in his fight. I’m sorry Ken, I think I’m just going to stick with the Avs for the rest of the season. I’d come help you drown your sorrows, but I’m afraid you might bite me.

  10. Ken Socrates Says:

    I’m struggling to write up a summary of how it feels to be a Bruins fan after that game. The let down is almost physical in nature. I feel sort of exhausted, like I poured all my energy into this team and the hope that this game was the one game they would finally show up and show us that they understood what it meant to wear that uniform. I mean, the fucking REAL Big Bad Bruins were in the house for inspiration.

    Nothing.

    Couple obligatory fights and no real life in one of the biggest games possible with the entire hockey world watching. Disgusting.

    I’ll have more at some point but this one was pretty hard to swallow.

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