Jack Edwards Haiku

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A new ongoing feature where we take some recent commentary from the Boston Bruins’ ever excitable play-by-play man Jack Edwards and turn it into poetry.

This, now, from last night’s dramatic 5-4 victory over the Lightning in Tampa, in a rough approximation of Japanese haiku.

    now Chara’s gonna go
    he’s just about sick and tired
    of this little punk

    oh, man, the big guy’s just unloading
    ha ha, Downie says where am I
    mommy help

I know.

You can barley read the rest of this because your eyes have filled with water. Jack can have that effect on you.

The sequence it was taken from can be found here.

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4 Responses to “Jack Edwards Haiku”

  1. KofC Says:

    Great idea! I’ve missed getting to watch the last 4 Bruins games, including, you know, the winning streak. (And various Lucic goals/fights.)

    I saw the score of this game on the screen at Joe Louis Arena last night. First I was “Wow, 5-0?! Finally the B’s are scoring at lot!” Then I was “Oh no, they aren’t going to blow a FIVE GOAL LEAD, are they?” Fortunately, the Flames are the only ones to have done that this season. Anyway, when I got back home I saw a Twitter play-by-play from someone who’d seen it…sounds like Jack got overconfident in the win or something? She seemed quite furious at him, anyway…

  2. Ken Socrates Says:

    At this point I just think of it as “Jack Being Jack.”

    He is what he is, a total homer with little very little time delay between his brain and his mouth, especially when the B’s get into it physically. The gents on hockeyfights.com mock him constantly for his over the top calls of Bruins’ scraps. I can honestly say,as a local fan, he’s always made me cringe a bit. As corny as the dude was, Dale Arnold was still a far superior game caller.

    You want some real Jack Edwards awkwardness watch The Instigators on NESN where he is outclassed and often outright mocked by Mike Milbury and, to a lesser degree out of politeness, Andy Brickley.

  3. nightfly Says:

    Getting outclassed by Milbury? Ouch. (Though to be fair to Mad Mike, he’s not un-astute, but he is excitable and prone to let said excitements get in the way of clear-headed hockey judgment.)

    More on topic: I love the Internets. You can find so much great stuff. A reminiscence by Joe Posnanski led to one of his commenters finding this link to the end of a play-by-play call for Oakland-San Diego, the “Holy Roller” game. About the 8 minute mark the color guy, caught up in things, goes on a ramble about how the Raiders and Chargers are going to be affected differently by the game – ending with perhaps the greatest unsung quote in sports broadcast history:

    “It’s just an observation, it doesn’t have to be true.”

    That cracks me up every time. It should be on t-shirts everywhere. How many play-by-play and color guys live by that credo, and here the dude just goes and says it point-blank! Made of awesome.

    • Ken Socrates Says:

      I’d swear by some of the near vitriolic reactions to Edwards’ points on the show that Milbury actually can’t stand the guy or something. Either that or he just has no respect for someone who hasn’t played the game dishing out opinions like that. Either way, can be some majestically awkward stuff there.

      Not the least of which is Jack, during the taping of a promo for the show, getting absolutely nailed in the balls with some bean bags or something when they whip them at him.

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