Beast Mode Lucic

June 13, 2013 by

Beast Mode Lucic

He was born in the glorious maelstrom that was the Boston Bruins Game 7 victory over the Toronto Maple Leafs.  A creature of such primal ferocity that he can make an opposing defensemen lie awake all night sweating and hallucinating a giant black number 17 on their bedroom ceilings.  He’s big, mean and talented and, if you need him to, he can throw your team on his back and carry them to victory against the most improbable odds.

He is Beast Mode Lucic.

BML to his friends.

And thanks to his Twitter @BeastModeLucic we can glimpse more into the tumultuous, visceral life this undiluted savage of a man lives.  Through the miracle of social media we can glean fascinating insight into his personal activities, beliefs, hopes and desires, as well as a unique perspective on the Boston Bruins and the NHL.

Already, we have learned:

  • He’s a big eater.  Enjoys the odd beverage.
  • He likes drawing and painting.  And stealing MBTA busses after big wins.
  • He owns a “mental baboon” named Angus Krejci.
  • His sons will be named Rambo, Wolverine and Sasquatch.
  • He gets warmed up for games by slamming Kaspars Daugavins off of nearby inanimate objects.
  • Goes to Plaster Fun Time with Carl Soderberg to relax.
  • A mentally damaged Mike Komisarek lives in his tool shed.
  • He appreciates medieval weaponry and movies about Pterodactyls.

In his own words, via Twitter:

bml001

“Having a quiet night. And by that I mean hanging out at an abandoned quarry setting off pipe bombs with Mike Komisarek and a mental baboon.”

“Just thought of a good birthday present for Cam Neely. Claude Lemieux and Ulf Samuelsson jammed into a wood chipper. Don’t let me forget.”

“Listen, it’s not cruel that I have Mike Komisarek living in my tool shed & doing odd jobs.  It’s me taking some responsibility for a destroyed human mind.”

“Last year I had Z over for a Game of Thrones viewing party. Fucker threw half my sectional through a 60″ lcd when Ned Stark got decapped.”

“Dreamt last night I was one of the Avengers and my code name was Captain Skullfucker. Called Dan Girardi to tell him about it. Dead silence.”

“Need more sharks around here. Thought of a new pregame ritual where I jump in Boston Harbor & beat the fuck out of a swarm of hammerheads.”

“Getting pumped for the game up on the roof of the TD slamming Kaspars Daugavins face off an old AC unit. He doesn’t seem to mind.”

“Pre game meal: A deep fried 22 lb turkey, a fistful of slim jims. Bowl of Captain Crunch and 3 bottles Guatemalen Coffee Stout. Ready.”

“During the TV timeout I showed Anton Stralman a drawing I made of him being eaten by a giant eel. I made with the crazy eyes. No reaction.”

“When I showed Mike Komisarek my iPad he just looked nervously away and cried a little. I worry about him.”

“Nobody realizes how crazy Greg Campbell is. Rents a room in Somerville, mostly eats hot dogs cooked over sterno. Always on about the UFOs.”

“Dougie Hamilton is an animal. No, I mean literally. Human beings don’t look like that.”

“Why is the Zoo closed at night? Goddamnit all I wanted was to say goodnight to the baby gorilla. Thanks a lot “zoo security”.  Assholes.”

“Chris Neil called me. Some gibberish about dinosaurs and how his dad was “excessively hairy”. I need to change my number again.”

“Note to self: Write a horror movie about a 700 foot tall incontinent hobo. Send to Hollywood. Rake in the dough.”

Tried to get things started with a Molotov Cocktail outside the Rangers dressing room but some security douches stopped me. Buzzkill.”

“When I shook hands with Rick Nash I had an overwhelming urge to apologize for what I said about his mom. Kind of glad I ignored it, actually.”

“Police scanner reporting a naked 6’9″ Eastern European looking guy sprinting up Hanover street with a bottle of Slovovitz high-fiving guys.”

“Z called me, still drunk I think. Invited me over for a cookout. “Not unless you put some clothes on, fucker!” Goddamned crazy giant.”

“Left 24 voicemails for Dion Phaneuf today. Mostly just farting noises. One time I recorded the toilet flushing. I’m sure he appreciates it.”

“If I had to guess I’d say Jarome Iginla spent most of today hiding under a rack at Lowe’s, huffing paint and talking to himself.”

“I feel good. Don’t get me wrong, my armpits smell like King Kong’s taint and I just threw up on Doug Houda. But I feel good.”

“Mike Komisarek got loose again. We found him in the dumpster at Autozone chewing on discarded wiper blades. Your guess is as good as mine.”

“Dear Haters: Brad Marchand’s big nose gets more pussy in any given weekend than you did during your best three year stretch.”

“I’m glad I’m not a Wookie. It’s one thing to be awkwardly tall or awkwardly hairy. But not both.”

“I just thought of a hilarious joke.

The 2013 Montreal Canadiens”

Something tells me there’s more where that came from.

 

@BeastModeLucic

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Sweep

June 7, 2013 by

sweep0023

Improbable? Maybe. Glorious? Definately.

One Game

June 14, 2011 by

One Game To Rule Them All.

On The Verge

May 25, 2011 by

To anyone visiting this site other than an an inquiry from Google Images, allow me to explain why HGW has not been terribly active during what is the most exciting Boston Bruins season in 20 years.

I’m enjoying it far too much. Far too much to have to worry about composing a daily blog on the subject of my beloved Big Bees and the incredible run they’re on. I fiinally realized how much more enjoyable it could be without the constant worry about finding the time to write about it afterwards. Let’s face it folks, a regular working person trying to moonlight as a Hockey columnist is no easy task. It requires a certain amount of energy and time that can, given all of life’s demands, can be in very short supply. Thses days I’m having trouble finding it.

The readership here was always very small, I must admit, but I adore each and every one of you who visited and took the time to comment. Nightlfy, Ozzy, Chippy, Gonz, K of C. Everyone who blogrolled or read a single word I wrote here. Those of you who hated me and argued, thanks as well. It was a blast. It’s just not feasible to keep this going as I was with all the other irons I have in the fire.

To that end, you can always find me over at kensocrates.com or on twitter. The work I did here will remain, for what it’s worth, and the odd Bruins post may appear from time to time. I’ll avoid saying too much about what’s happening right now in fear of jinxing it.

You understand. We’re all so emotionally damaged, we Bruins fans. Even one game away from the Finals we’re waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Anyway, thanks again and hopefully I’ll see you around.

Go Big Bees!

Most Embarrassing Goal Celebration Ever

April 26, 2011 by

joe thornton overtime winner

As award finalists are being announced, an we have confirmation that Zdeno Chara is a Norris Trophy finalist and Tim Thomas is a Vezina Trophy finalist, the annual HGW Awards are taking shape as well.

Joe Thornton and his man-baby act from last night’s win over the L.A. Kings is the clear leader for the most Embarrassing, Cringeworthy Goal Celebration of the Year.

Maybe all time. Just disturbing to watch. It sends the Sharks to the next round and all I have to say to Joe is, hey, brother, act like you’ve been there before.

I mean, you have once or twice, right?

Do or Die

April 18, 2011 by

Not a whole lot to say leading into tonight’s Game Three up in Montreal. Fuck all the analysis. Fuck all the complaing and worrying. We all know what’s on the line. Jobs in the organization hang in the balance and an entire city of fans are ready to march on TD Garden with torches if this thing goes down the toilet tonight.

It’s up to the Boston Bruins to do something about it. Now or never.

That means you, Milan Lucic. David Krejci. Nathan Horton. All of you.

Do something.

Chara Hospitalized

April 16, 2011 by

News this morning that Zdeno Chara spent last night in the hospital for dehydration. Disturbing news for Bruins fans, indeed, heading into the crucial game two tonight at TD Garden of the B’s-Habs first round series with their team down 1-0. Word so far is that he will play but how effective he might be is certainly a relevant question.

The real question, to me, is why? Is he ill? It happened after practice on Friday and one has to wonder, was he not caring for himself properly during practice? Did the training staff drop the ball by not noticing that the player was not up to snuff. Does a guy like him, who logs so many minutes in game action, even need to practice at this point of the season if he’s not completely 100% healthy?

All things we need answers to. The severity of the issue/illness will need to be explained but don’t be surprised if information is short from the Bruins organization itself. Right now it’s a wait and see situation with a nation of Black and Gold fans holding their collective breath.

Game One, You Fuckers

April 14, 2011 by
zdeno chare montreal canadiens max pacioretty

The Size Difference Between the Bruins and Habs is a Key Factor in the Series

I fucking hate the Montreal Canadiens.

I hate the team, I hate the individual players, I hate the coaches and the management and the ownership. Most of all I hate their snobbish, preening, know-nothing fans with their bent towards screeching hysteria and show tunes. If you need any evidence of this fact, please see the following.

Statement Game

The Ultimate Dive

Arrest Max Pacioretty

Goodbye You Lizard Scum

Sand Trap

Montreal Is Not A Hockey Town

Homerism Gone Wild In Montreal

One Punch Knockout

French Taunting

Frontier Justice

I Have Hate In My Heart

As you can see, I’ve jotted down my feelings about the Bleu, Blanc et Rougettes a couple of times. The Diving Princesses are not well liked around these parts. It has everything to do with the way they play the game and the nose-in-the-air nature of their boorish fans. The idiocy of people who call 911 for a hockey check or set cars on fire for a playoff series win. Who boo other countries national anthems. All of the above.

As such, I hope the Bruins crush them tonight. Run them out of the building. Use superior size and physicality and aggression to hammer them into whimpering submission and send them tail between legs into the Boston night, fearing for their lives. Afraid to return to TD Garden on Saturday for yet another vicious beating.

This is the mandate of the Boston Bruins tonight.

Beat them. Badly. Make it happen.

See you on Twitter for the game. @hockeygonewild.

Once More Unto The Breach

April 10, 2011 by

“From Hell’s Heart I Stab At Thee”

    – Captain Ahab

The Boston Bruins will once again face the Montreal Canadiens in the Stanley Cup Playoffs. In some ways it will be more of the same intense rivalry we have seen in the past. In some ways it will be completely different. The shadow of the Zdeno Chara – Max Pacioretty incident will hang over the entire proceedings like some monstrous pall of bloated idiocy thanks to the actions of the hysterical, whining fan base of the Bleu, Blanc et Rougettes.

Let me make that clear. It will be no fault of the Boston Bruins or their fan base that this series might immediately descend into a complete mockery of the sport we all love.

I’ll predict it right now.

The Habs’ fans won’t be able to handle this. They won’t be able to act like actual hockey fans. They’ve already proven that they don’t have that ability. We all saw it. We know about the 911 calls. We saw the protests. We’ve read enough high pitched preening whines in various forums and in the comments sections of TSN articles. It’s there for all to see and everyone outside of Quebec Province knows it for what it is.

The Montreal Canadiens team, organization and it’s fans are the biggest bunch of utter pussies that have ever walked into a hockey rink. Period.

And that includes Max Pacioretty, folks.

Once again, starting this Thursday, they will show us all how true that statement is.

More on this topic soon, as you might expect.

Winding Down, Gearing Up

April 8, 2011 by

This is an odd part of the season. Finishing up the regular season schedule whilst waiting for the Playoffs to begin can be a tedious excercise for both fans and teams when your position in the post-season is secured and pretty much set. The Boston Bruins are in danger of falling into cruise mode because of the seeming insignificance of the remaining games. New York Islanders? Ottawa Senators? New Jersey Devils?
Teams full of guys scheduling golf vacations.

It’s dangerous because it can lure a team into a malaise at the most important time of the year. All indications were that the Bruins were gearing up at the right time and then the two recent New York games seemed to show a team getting sleepy at the wheel. We all know what happened after the 1st period of that game at MSG. It was all too hauntingly familiar to what happened last season in Philadelphia, wasn’t it? Up 3-0 and you go to sleep as if the game is won. Meanwhile, an emotional, tough team gets on it’s horse and never gives up and ends up beating you silly.

It was one of the themes of the Boston Bruins’ 2009-2010 season and I mentioned it frequently here. It’s like the team can’t handle it’s own success. It gets complacent. That’s what allows teams to come back from 3-0 against you.

Seems to me it starts with the best players. Tell me what the top scoring line of Milan Lucic, David Krejci and Nathan Horton have done since the team clinched a playoff spot? Do they, more than any other players on the team, look like they’re going through the motions? Against the Islanders it seemed like they were skating in a practice scrimmage at Ristuccia. Non factors. If it wasn’t for the spark shown by the fourth line of Shawn Thornton, Gregory Campbell and Daniel Paille, you would have lost that game.

Not really the signs you want to see from your team. Let’s hope that higher gear is still there and will be in motion next Thursday when the playoffs actually start. If not, there may be some truly hopeless Bruins’ fans wandering the streets outside TD Garden like the living dead. Again.

A few more notes on the end of the season.

  • It looks more and more with each passing day that the Montreal Canadiens will be the opponent in the first round. Can you imagine it? Can you picture the epic insanity of that? Apocalypse Now, folks. 2012 is here. World War III. Throngs of marching protesters in Montreal. Max Pacioretty potentially being in uniform to face Zdeno Chara. Total madness. I’m drooling already. Prepare for posts every hour on the hour during that series, people. This is what we live for.
  • This Saturday Mark Recchi will pass Chris Chelios for 4th All Time on the NHL’s games played list. The three guys ahead of him are Gordie Howe, Mark Messier and Ron Francis. Hallowed company and a monumental achievement by the gentleman. He will be honored accordingly one would think during the team’s final home game of the regular season.
  • The Bruins yesterday signed free agent college forward Carter Camper from Miami (of Ohio) University. A smallish forward at 5′-11″ and 173 lbs he was nonetheless an explosive scorer with 183 points (69-114-183) in 156 games in his college career. He’s a 2011 Hobey Baker Award finalist and will report to the Providence Bruins. An interesting addition and a great hockey name.
  • Steven Kampfer has been assigned to Providence leaving Shane Hnidy as the B’s 7th defenseman. He could return before the playoffs begin along with other possible depth players as the P-Bruins season will end without a trip to the Calder Cup Playoffs.